Telling stories with consent

Fundraising advice tends to say "tell stories" and stop there. In cancer support fundraising the story belongs to a person who is ill, in remission, caring for someone, or grieving — and the difference between a story that helps and a story that harms is almost entirely in how it was obtained.

There is no example story on this page. We do not have one that anyone has given us permission to publish, and asking for that permission properly is the whole subject.

Consent is specific, not general

A person who agreed to appear in event photographs has not agreed to have their diagnosis in an auction description. A person who told their story at a survivors' dinner has not agreed to have it on a public web page indexed by search engines.

Ask for the exact use. Say where it will appear, who will see it, how long it will stay up, and whether it will be reused next year. "Can we share your story?" is not a question anyone can answer accurately.

What to put in front of them

• The actual words you intend to publish, not a description of them
• The exact photograph, if there is one
• Where it appears, and for how long
• Whether their full name, first name only, or no name is used
• Whether their diagnosis, stage or prognosis appears
• Who else is named — family members need their own agreement
• How to change their mind later, and who to contact

Send it in writing and let them sit with it. A verbal yes given in a room with a fundraiser present is not the same as a considered one.

Make withdrawing genuinely easy

Say plainly, in the first ask, that they can change their mind at any point and nothing will be awkward. Then make it true: one named person, one email address, and a commitment to take it down the same day.

Circumstances change. Somebody who agreed while in remission may feel differently after a recurrence. Check in before reusing anything a year later rather than treating last year's consent as standing.

Families and people who have died

The consent of the person themselves cannot be obtained, so it comes from the family — and the family is not one person. Agree who speaks for them, ask that person to check with the others, and accept a slower answer.

Anniversaries, memorial items and dedications carry particular weight. Ask well ahead of the date, and ask again if the plan changes.

When the answer is no

Take it immediately and without a follow-up ask. Do not use a version with details changed, do not use it without a name, and do not tell it as a composite of several people — a composite is a fabrication with extra steps, and the community you are fundraising in will recognise it.

There is always another way to make the appeal. Describe what the money funds rather than who it helped. Quote a service, not a person. The stories you can tell with a clear yes are more than enough.

Writing the story once you have consent

• Use their words where you can, and show them any edit before it goes up
• Say what the money does, not just what the person went through
• Avoid battle and fighting language unless that is the language they used
• Do not imply an outcome the story does not have
• Give them the link before anyone else sees it

This applies to auction items too

A memorial dedication, a named item, an item description that references someone's treatment — all of it is the same question. If the honest version of an item listing needs a person's permission and you do not have it, the item goes in without the story.

Item categories that need this care: item ideas that actually sell.